After a bollocking last night from a friend telling to think about what I am doing. It got me thinking.
Climbing is a very personal thing to me. I do not believe in competition climbing as the only competition for me is myself. I like to challenge myself. This often results in unnecessary risk.
Okay I will stop being vague. I went to tremadog for the weekend and on Sunday morning I woke up and could not sleep. I went for a walk along the bottom of the crag and saw it was dry. So I ran back to the hut grabbed my rock shoes and my guide book and ran back. I then soloed Christmas curry (onsight) which is a multi pitch severe. the route has a very exposed feel and a fall could easily be fatal.
I did the route pretty quickly but I did not tell anyone until I was on one of the very top pitch. When I got back I was faced with a few questions when I got back. Mainly why? I did not have an answer.
I then got home and a thread was started on the uni club forum suggesting that my end is nigh!!! Tongue in cheek like but still got me thinking. Then I had a reply to a text I sent to a friend. They had heard about my solo basically gave me a bollocking (I won't say who but I value their opinion). They said pointed out to me something I have never given much thought.
Who would care if it went wrong? I had thought I was the only one effected in the results. But am not. Some one would have to do the awful job of telling my Mum. I would not wish that on anyone.
However will this stop me living by the rules I set myself a while ago (if you can't do something smart, do something stupid).
Probably not. I should care about the risks. I have the bug for getting myself at a point close to death. Maybe its time to step back or change my point of view on things. I do not know.
Maybe I need something in my life I could not bear to lose. I don't have anything at the moment. Yes that is a sad situation to be in.
Sorry for this blog its not normally what I put on here but felt I should write it down.